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Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

I think everyone has heard by now that envisioning your future can help you achieve your goals. So if you’re having problems sleeping at night, try using affirmations like these:

1) “I’m thankful for…”

What are you grateful for? If you are recently separated you may think that there is nothing, but you don’t have to think hard about how lucky you are. Studies show that expressing gratitude can boost your happiness level and your immune system.

2) “Let it be.”

Or maybe you can think, “Let it go.” The key is to not go to bed angry. According to Women’s Health, it’s better to wait until morning to work things out. Clear your mind at night. In the morning you may see things in a different light and/or even come up with a solution.

3) “I’m strong.”

Because you are. Are you going to let someone else dictate your life? Accept your value.

4) “How can I make it better?”

Ask that question before you go to bed and your subconscious will work on the answer.

5) “I will find calm.”

Just try it. You can’t feel two emotions at the same time, so once you start feeling calm, you will be calm.

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Readers of the HuffPost’s Divorce section contributed to this list of preconceived ideas about divorce that they found frustrating. Of course everyone’s situation is different, but that’s the point.

1. “That divorce takes two people. It took both to get married, but the divorce can be a decision of solely one person.”

2. “People think that an adversarial divorce is ‘normal’ and exes who co-parent with respect and collaboration are ‘weird’ (I’ve been called that more than once!)”

3. “That divorce is the easy way out. It takes strength to maintain a good marriage and strength to get out of a bad one.”

4. “A lot of men think you must be desperate and ready to sleep with just anyone after divorce. No, thanks.”

5. “I hate reading those posts that say something like, ‘when something is broken, you fix it. If your marriage is broken, fix it.’ It makes it seem like divorce is an easy way out, a cop out or a coward’s exit. I find that tasteless and ignorant.”

6. “That its the end of the world and that it messes your children up for life. My kids are great and the divorce was not the end of the world.”

7. “The stigma of the ‘divorced’ status is so wrong. People think, ‘There must be something wrong with you because you’re divorced.’ It’s like they think you’re destined to be alone.”

8. “People think that getting a divorce makes someone a failure. Really? They say half of marriages end in divorce.”

9. “That all it takes is a good lawyer, a decent amount of money, a couple of signatures and a name change to get back to ‘normal.'”

10. “Your friends treat your divorce like it’s some kind of disease going around and avoid you because they fear they’re going to catch it.”

11. “People think not divorcing and staying together for the kids is a better alternative. That’s not always the case.”

12. “That you’re doomed to be single. I found real love again!”

13. “That you can live separate lives after divorce if kids are involved. Your kids need you to communicate now more than ever!”

14. “That getting a divorce doesn’t hurt the person who decided to leave.”

15. “Some people actually believe men don’t create drama in divorce.”

16. “The biggest myth is that people who get divorced are quitters who don’t take marriage seriously. (Confession: I used to think this.)”

17. “That they are immune. If you’re married, it can happen to you regardless of the promises made. Scary, sad and true.”

18. “A lot of people I know think the process is quick and easy. I get sick of people asking me if it’s over.”

19. “That divorce makes you incredibly sad. So many people said ‘sorry’ to me but my divorce meant freedom! I was thrilled to be getting a divorce.”

20. “People believe that you and your family automatically hate your former spouse. Some do (and deserve it), but plenty of us don’t.”

21. “That you are giving up on love and your life will end. That’s not true at all. You’re starting to love yourself and your life is just beginning.”
— Source: 21 Ridiculous Things People Believe About Divorce

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We just read the article If the Reason You Earn Money is Just to Spend it, You will Always Financially Struggle on thesimpledollar.com. Of course he’s right. If you look forward to your paycheck so you can get the latest or a bigger this or that, be seen here or there, or go wherever, instead of using it for the essentials and then saving the rest, you will always struggle financially.

But even though that registers mentally, for some, spending money is tied to emotions. For example, I (Tracy) definitely spend more money when I have a job I don’t like or live in a place that doesn’t excite me. My money isn’t buying things. It’s buying happiness. (Yes, I’ve actually analyzed this.) When I’m happy it’s much easier for me to think about where my money is going and to control it.

During a divorce or separation ,one household becomes two. And items that your partner used to pay for (or at least their part)  will have to be paid for by you, or else disappear from your life. This is no time to go on a wild spending spree. Yet, this might be exactly when you fell most like doing it to make you feel better. To buy happiness.

If this sounds like you stop. Don’t make impulse buys. Sleep on it. It’s amazing how something you just had to have in the store is the last thing you think about the next day if it was a “want” and not a “need.”

Also think about what you won’t have if you buy that shiny new thing. Food, the ability to pay your electric bill, money for gas, money for car repairs, rent? You get the picture.

Think about what your money is really buying. And if it’s happiness, believe me, there are free ways to achieve that (exercising, listening to music, being with your real friends, doing something for someone else, for example).

P.S. If it’s social status and that really makes a difference to your friends, are they really your friends? Think about it.

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Frenzy is an emotional state, a feeling of being a little (or a lot) out of control. It is often underpinned by anxiety, sadness, anger, and related emotions.

— Train Your Brain to Focus (www.blogs.hbr.org)

It’s only natural for someone going through a divorce or separation to feel like this at times. When those times come, acknowledge the existence of the negative emotion and they try to find ways throughout your day to balance your negative emotions with positive ones. To do this you can try exercising, meditating, and being mindful of the good and beautiful things around you. Do you have a favorite street? Then walk down it. A favorite scent? Spritz in on. Find ways to laugh. Use your senses to get out of yourself and appreciate the world around you.

And then notice what triggers those frenzy attacks. When you feel one coming on, treat it like you would a headache.

  1. Acknowledge that it’s there;
  2. Take a deep breath;
  3. Balance it with the positive; and
  4. Let it go.

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Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Grace Hightower De Niro, wife of Robert, or Bobby as some may say, stopped by (Katie Couric’s talk show) to talk about her marriage – and how she met the award-winning actor.

“What is your secret to a happy, long lasting marriage?” Katie asked.

“I would say a lot of give and take, standing your ground, because then you keep the respect you started out with,” Grace said.

The pair have been together for 21 years…..

From “Katie”

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The other day we read that Rupert Murdock had filed for divorce from his wife. The news seemed to have surprised a lot of people. “Hey wasn’t she the one who saved her husband from getting a pie thrown in his face?” Yes, she was. But as anyone knows who’s going through a  divorce, marriages as seen by the public may only be the tip of the iceberg. Dark issues can lurk beneath the surface.

What we’re saying here, is that if you are surrounded by people who are shocked that such a “happy” couple is getting divorced and this is making you depressed or giving you second thoughts, if you are really getting divorced for a good reason (not just because marriage is hard work) remember that only you know for sure what you marriage was like.

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