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“No, I can’t cut my hair now. I just got a divorce.”

Gotten a divorce and ready to start dating again? Then you’ve got to look good.

But let’s face it. A lot women get a bit too comfortable in themselves during their married lives and then when they are ready to start dating again they look in the mirror and face a person their younger selves would not even recognize. And then, added to that, all of this happens when they might be struggling just to make ends meet.

But there’s someone who can help — Tatiana Aquino who has just launched her blog Style with a HINT of Mint.

Here’s what she says about her mission:

Surprise whoever is on your path… Be different from everyone else… Have a twist to the perfect outfit. That’s me! That’s my MOTTO! I’ve always loved being unique… Being Different from everyone else…Having a TWIST to the perfect outfit. That’s where Style with a HINT of Mint comes from… Wearing something that has a hint of the unexpected.

Always have the element of surprise when it comes to an outfit whether it’s on price (expensive with affordable) or putting an outfit together without following the “rules.” Why follow the rules when you can MAKE the rules? Who invented the rules anyway? Take a risk !! Mix and Match in unexpected ways…. Uniqueness is beautiful. Why would you want to look like everyone else?

My mission with this blog is to show you that you can find amazing things wherever you are. Look for clothes that speak to your personal style. YES, I like to wear and buy expensive things , but there is nothing more amazing than taking the expensive and affordable or the trendy and classic and combining them to make one great outfit. Thinking in a new box is your HINT of mint.

If you’ve sunken into a beauty rut and want to get out, then check out Style with a HINT of MInt and feel free to pass it on.

I think everyone has heard by now that envisioning your future can help you achieve your goals. So if you’re having problems sleeping at night, try using affirmations like these:

1) “I’m thankful for…”

What are you grateful for? If you are recently separated you may think that there is nothing, but you don’t have to think hard about how lucky you are. Studies show that expressing gratitude can boost your happiness level and your immune system.

2) “Let it be.”

Or maybe you can think, “Let it go.” The key is to not go to bed angry. According to Women’s Health, it’s better to wait until morning to work things out. Clear your mind at night. In the morning you may see things in a different light and/or even come up with a solution.

3) “I’m strong.”

Because you are. Are you going to let someone else dictate your life? Accept your value.

4) “How can I make it better?”

Ask that question before you go to bed and your subconscious will work on the answer.

5) “I will find calm.”

Just try it. You can’t feel two emotions at the same time, so once you start feeling calm, you will be calm.

“When one door closes…

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

Readers of the HuffPost’s Divorce section contributed to this list of preconceived ideas about divorce that they found frustrating. Of course everyone’s situation is different, but that’s the point.

1. “That divorce takes two people. It took both to get married, but the divorce can be a decision of solely one person.”

2. “People think that an adversarial divorce is ‘normal’ and exes who co-parent with respect and collaboration are ‘weird’ (I’ve been called that more than once!)”

3. “That divorce is the easy way out. It takes strength to maintain a good marriage and strength to get out of a bad one.”

4. “A lot of men think you must be desperate and ready to sleep with just anyone after divorce. No, thanks.”

5. “I hate reading those posts that say something like, ‘when something is broken, you fix it. If your marriage is broken, fix it.’ It makes it seem like divorce is an easy way out, a cop out or a coward’s exit. I find that tasteless and ignorant.”

6. “That its the end of the world and that it messes your children up for life. My kids are great and the divorce was not the end of the world.”

7. “The stigma of the ‘divorced’ status is so wrong. People think, ‘There must be something wrong with you because you’re divorced.’ It’s like they think you’re destined to be alone.”

8. “People think that getting a divorce makes someone a failure. Really? They say half of marriages end in divorce.”

9. “That all it takes is a good lawyer, a decent amount of money, a couple of signatures and a name change to get back to ‘normal.'”

10. “Your friends treat your divorce like it’s some kind of disease going around and avoid you because they fear they’re going to catch it.”

11. “People think not divorcing and staying together for the kids is a better alternative. That’s not always the case.”

12. “That you’re doomed to be single. I found real love again!”

13. “That you can live separate lives after divorce if kids are involved. Your kids need you to communicate now more than ever!”

14. “That getting a divorce doesn’t hurt the person who decided to leave.”

15. “Some people actually believe men don’t create drama in divorce.”

16. “The biggest myth is that people who get divorced are quitters who don’t take marriage seriously. (Confession: I used to think this.)”

17. “That they are immune. If you’re married, it can happen to you regardless of the promises made. Scary, sad and true.”

18. “A lot of people I know think the process is quick and easy. I get sick of people asking me if it’s over.”

19. “That divorce makes you incredibly sad. So many people said ‘sorry’ to me but my divorce meant freedom! I was thrilled to be getting a divorce.”

20. “People believe that you and your family automatically hate your former spouse. Some do (and deserve it), but plenty of us don’t.”

21. “That you are giving up on love and your life will end. That’s not true at all. You’re starting to love yourself and your life is just beginning.”
— Source: 21 Ridiculous Things People Believe About Divorce

Identity is something…

Identity is something that you are constantly earning. It is a process that you must be active in.
— Joss Whedon

We just read the article If the Reason You Earn Money is Just to Spend it, You will Always Financially Struggle on thesimpledollar.com. Of course he’s right. If you look forward to your paycheck so you can get the latest or a bigger this or that, be seen here or there, or go wherever, instead of using it for the essentials and then saving the rest, you will always struggle financially.

But even though that registers mentally, for some, spending money is tied to emotions. For example, I (Tracy) definitely spend more money when I have a job I don’t like or live in a place that doesn’t excite me. My money isn’t buying things. It’s buying happiness. (Yes, I’ve actually analyzed this.) When I’m happy it’s much easier for me to think about where my money is going and to control it.

During a divorce or separation ,one household becomes two. And items that your partner used to pay for (or at least their part)  will have to be paid for by you, or else disappear from your life. This is no time to go on a wild spending spree. Yet, this might be exactly when you fell most like doing it to make you feel better. To buy happiness.

If this sounds like you stop. Don’t make impulse buys. Sleep on it. It’s amazing how something you just had to have in the store is the last thing you think about the next day if it was a “want” and not a “need.”

Also think about what you won’t have if you buy that shiny new thing. Food, the ability to pay your electric bill, money for gas, money for car repairs, rent? You get the picture.

Think about what your money is really buying. And if it’s happiness, believe me, there are free ways to achieve that (exercising, listening to music, being with your real friends, doing something for someone else, for example).

P.S. If it’s social status and that really makes a difference to your friends, are they really your friends? Think about it.

Frenzy

Frenzy is an emotional state, a feeling of being a little (or a lot) out of control. It is often underpinned by anxiety, sadness, anger, and related emotions.

— Train Your Brain to Focus (www.blogs.hbr.org)

It’s only natural for someone going through a divorce or separation to feel like this at times. When those times come, acknowledge the existence of the negative emotion and they try to find ways throughout your day to balance your negative emotions with positive ones. To do this you can try exercising, meditating, and being mindful of the good and beautiful things around you. Do you have a favorite street? Then walk down it. A favorite scent? Spritz in on. Find ways to laugh. Use your senses to get out of yourself and appreciate the world around you.

And then notice what triggers those frenzy attacks. When you feel one coming on, treat it like you would a headache.

  1. Acknowledge that it’s there;
  2. Take a deep breath;
  3. Balance it with the positive; and
  4. Let it go.
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