Custody Issues: When Your Child Says I Want to Live With You Instead – Posted by JP and Tracy

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Things are not always as they appear on the surface. I (Tracy) once knew some children who had a very prominent father who made it seem as if he was responsible for everything good the children did. Their mother never got any credit. The children, and their mother, had no idea what was going on until events would happen and the children would thank their mother. People would we respond, “But we thought it was your father who…” and they would say, “No, it was my mother.”

The children’s parents never got a divorce, but if they had the court might have given sole custody to their father if he had asked for it. He was more financially fit and he had made people believe that the children’s success was all because of him. The court may have thought that he was the one who could provide the children with the most stability. The court, however, would have been wrong and the children would have known the truth.

Unfortunately, situations like this happen. The court only sees the tip of the iceberg. The children come to the non-custodial parent pleading to live with them because they really do know which parent has nurtured, loved, and really cares for them. They don’t want to live with this person because they think they will be less strict or because they are having growing up issues with the custodial parent. They know which parent is committed to their well-being. They really know what lies beneath the surface.

This puts the non-custodial parent in a tricky situation. They also know the truth. It hurts to see their children unhappy. They think, “I can’t turn them away.” But the thing is, if the court has ruled that the other parent has custodial right, they have to, at least for the short-term. Taking the children in only makes things worse.

A runaway child simply looks like, a runaway child. Even children from homes in which the parents are still married run away. What makes this child any different from those? They just have another parent to run to. The child looks immature, like someone who can’t think clearly, is impulsive, and only wants what they want – not what is best for them.

Also, the non-custodial parent can get into real trouble with the court – like being charged with a criminal offense (custodial interference).

None of this will reflect well on the non-custodial parent or the children when they try to get the custody changed.

With this said, there are things the non-custodial parent can do. Here are some options:

1. Talk to the custodial parent to agree to the new custodial arrangement. If you have a good relationship with the custodial parent, it may be enough to simply talk to the person, hammer out the details, and create a new arrangement and make sure to file it with the court. We have to admit, though, that it probably isn’t going to be that easy or else things would not have reached this point.
2. Let your child talk to the custodial parent, express their feelings and wishes and hope that the custodial parent really does care for their child’s best interest at heart, have them agree to a new arrangement. Be sure to file it in court to make it official.
3. Petition the court yourself for a change in custody.

 

We know this sounds tough, but it is the only legal way to go about it. If you are going through this situation, we wish you luck. If you aren’t, but know someone who is, share this post with them.

Related articles

• What happens if a child refuses to return to custodial parent (wiki.answers.com)

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